Note: I read and enjoy every single comment. At the moment, though, the blog isn't letting me reply to them. I hope to resolve that soon!
I guess I'm one of those people who have to relapse a few times before my internal conflicts settle into one behavior pattern that works for all of me.
Here's the summary of my recent past. I followed a fairly rigorous regimen (whole foods plus coffee, butter, cream and cheddar) for a full year, with many physical benefits. However, I really did that on willpower and still had the binge eating disorder whispering/screaming about how great it would be to eat wheat again. Each and every day during that year was a personal battle to do what I thought best rather than what I wanted.
Then I slid ever so slowly down that slippery slope of asking myself if I could safely eat limited quantities of wheat--because I desperately wanted to. And wow, what a surprise, I started to binge and gain weight with the added "benefit" of feeling really awful.
After 3 cycles of going onto-off wheat, getting sicker and fatter each time, I very naturally and calmly started buying only whole foods plus coffee, butter, cream and cheddar. In other words, I went back off wheat and there was no willpower or effort involved.
All the other times I went off wheat, I set a date in advance as a deadline to make the change and I then dreaded the approach of that date. This time, there was simply no thought of buying wheat because that stuff is toxic for me. I may be slow but I can learn if you whack me with negative consequences enough times.
I'm now a month in with no subconscious whispering or cravings or wishes.
Without wheat, even though I was eating to satiation each day, I immediately started to lose the weight I gained during my relapses. I'm again morphing from apple to pear shape, with about 2/3 of the regained weight back off. I'll be posting a new mug shot on the blog in the next few days. I've already experienced 2 opportunities to gauge my mental status and I'll describe them.
Event #1: About 2 weeks ago I attended a pot luck dinner. There were lots of great foods that were legal for me and there were lots of foods containing wheat. I very calmly took the non-wheat foods and enjoyed visiting with my friends.
However, this is not a fairy tale. The truth is that I found the event emotionally unsettling. When I returned home, I did in fact have a strong urge to eat even though I was not actually hungry. The good news is that the urges weren't for wheat and I did not eat any wheat. The facts are that I ate some sugared jello with rinsed mandarin orange segments and whipped cream.
So I was naughty, but I did not abuse myself with wheat. The next day I calmly resumed my comfortable routine of whole fruit, low-carb salad and meat. Note: On alternate days, I vary my routine with "veggie roasts" of tubers and other veggies. That day happened to be a day I'd planned to eat meat vs. tubers. So I followed my plan for the day and I continued to feel great and lose weight.
Event #2: A few evenings ago, I attended a large buffet with friends. We began by giving our server our beverage requests and I asked for ... a Coke. Go ahead, scream No!!!, but keep reading. I ate some pieces of chopped fruit, a nice salad with vinegar and their oil (I'm not assuming it was EVOO but it did seem close) and some roast beef, baked salmon and one small wing of fried chicken.
When my friends went to get desserts, I happily sipped my Coke. As they ate their desserts, I happily sipped my Coke.
This time when I returned home there was no emotional backlash. There must have been a little flour in the fried chicken breading, because I was a little bleary and had mild congestion the next morning, but I just resumed my normal routine and I felt fine by afternoon. I seem to have lost a little more weight in the few days since.
Other than 1 or 2 family visits, I don't expect more social events as my winter friends have headed north to their summer locations. So I have a clear path to continue eating in the way that makes me feel great and allows me to lose weight without dieting.
For fun, I'm calling it easygoing paleo. Hope things are easy for you!
Showing posts with label binge-eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label binge-eating. Show all posts
March 30, 2013
October 4, 2012
Are Some People Asking the Wrong Questions?
I've given a lot of thought to the following questions:
I've decided to forgive myself for my large appetite by the way. Yes, I'd like to eat as little as I can manage without triggering massive binge eating and, yes, I'd like to gradually lose weight over time BUT I've demonstrated numerous times that I have great willpower over the short haul (6 to 12 months) only to face the long term reality that my choice is between being hungry 24/7 or being fat. I have a naturally large appetite and I've always had it. It didn't develop gradually as I grew up or as I became fatter--I remember eating 2 large plates of supper and still wanting dessert when I was 6 years old. And yes, I was a chubby kid except for those times my family was too poor to buy enough food.
I follow a list of blogs focused on health and nutrition and many of them discuss why so many people are fat. They look at what types of foods we eat, when we eat, how fast we eat and how active/inactive we are. I don't see a lot of discussion about differing appetites. I define appetite as how much food feels like "enough" to turn off interest in eating more food.
For example, many people eat junk food frequently. Many of them eat a HANDFUL of chips and consider that a serving. Some eat a CEREAL BOWL full. But I, friends, eat the bag of chips--small, medium or large--and I'm just as happy to eat the last bite as the first.
Second example, let's say we're eating healthy--a meal of fruit, salad and veg/meat. Many people will eat 1/2 cup or less of the fruit, a cup or 2 of salad and about a cup each of vegetables and meat. So their total meal volume is between 4 and 5 cups and they'll consider that a huge meal. Okay, but if I follow my natural appetite I'll eat 2-4 cups of fruit, 3-5 cups of salad and still eat at least 2-3 cups of meat and vegetables. I'll be happily full but I definitely won't be forcing myself to eat the last bites.
I see a similar pattern with companion animals. With some cats, you can leave food out at all times and they'll maintain a nice weight; with others, you have to measure the food or they'll eat themselves fat.
I don't have a data-driven answer to my question, sadly, although I do have interesting background information. My father once confessed that my parents were so happy to have a healthy baby after the one before me died that they fed me each bottle/food meal until I spat the food out. In other words, from day one they conditioned me to eat as much food as I could hold. And I've already described my "natural" eating behavior from early childhood on.
When I had my son, I didn't follow my parents' example. I dished out a small portion of formula or food and when it was gone it was gone. My son is now 40 (gasp!) and has never had any problem with over-eating. He's been lean his entire life. But does that mean anything? His father had no weight problem either and ate whatever he wanted. I have an older brother (the one that died would have been the middle child) and while he has a healthy appetite he's never had as much trouble with his weight as I have and he eats smaller portions without willpower being involved.
So, I can't help wondering why I am cursed/blessed with my large appetite. Genetics? Parenting? What? I suppose it doesn't really matter, since it's not going to change, but I do wonder. What I do know is that it doesn't make me a bad person although the word glutton might/could apply.
- What triggers my binge eating?
- How can I control/avoid binge eating?
- Why is it so hard to eat small portions?
- Etc., etc., etc.
I've decided to forgive myself for my large appetite by the way. Yes, I'd like to eat as little as I can manage without triggering massive binge eating and, yes, I'd like to gradually lose weight over time BUT I've demonstrated numerous times that I have great willpower over the short haul (6 to 12 months) only to face the long term reality that my choice is between being hungry 24/7 or being fat. I have a naturally large appetite and I've always had it. It didn't develop gradually as I grew up or as I became fatter--I remember eating 2 large plates of supper and still wanting dessert when I was 6 years old. And yes, I was a chubby kid except for those times my family was too poor to buy enough food.
I follow a list of blogs focused on health and nutrition and many of them discuss why so many people are fat. They look at what types of foods we eat, when we eat, how fast we eat and how active/inactive we are. I don't see a lot of discussion about differing appetites. I define appetite as how much food feels like "enough" to turn off interest in eating more food.
For example, many people eat junk food frequently. Many of them eat a HANDFUL of chips and consider that a serving. Some eat a CEREAL BOWL full. But I, friends, eat the bag of chips--small, medium or large--and I'm just as happy to eat the last bite as the first.
Second example, let's say we're eating healthy--a meal of fruit, salad and veg/meat. Many people will eat 1/2 cup or less of the fruit, a cup or 2 of salad and about a cup each of vegetables and meat. So their total meal volume is between 4 and 5 cups and they'll consider that a huge meal. Okay, but if I follow my natural appetite I'll eat 2-4 cups of fruit, 3-5 cups of salad and still eat at least 2-3 cups of meat and vegetables. I'll be happily full but I definitely won't be forcing myself to eat the last bites.
I see a similar pattern with companion animals. With some cats, you can leave food out at all times and they'll maintain a nice weight; with others, you have to measure the food or they'll eat themselves fat.
I don't have a data-driven answer to my question, sadly, although I do have interesting background information. My father once confessed that my parents were so happy to have a healthy baby after the one before me died that they fed me each bottle/food meal until I spat the food out. In other words, from day one they conditioned me to eat as much food as I could hold. And I've already described my "natural" eating behavior from early childhood on.
When I had my son, I didn't follow my parents' example. I dished out a small portion of formula or food and when it was gone it was gone. My son is now 40 (gasp!) and has never had any problem with over-eating. He's been lean his entire life. But does that mean anything? His father had no weight problem either and ate whatever he wanted. I have an older brother (the one that died would have been the middle child) and while he has a healthy appetite he's never had as much trouble with his weight as I have and he eats smaller portions without willpower being involved.
So, I can't help wondering why I am cursed/blessed with my large appetite. Genetics? Parenting? What? I suppose it doesn't really matter, since it's not going to change, but I do wonder. What I do know is that it doesn't make me a bad person although the word glutton might/could apply.
September 18, 2012
3 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back: Where's That Leave Me?
Hello to any and all who choose to read this post--hope you had a great summer.
First, if you came to this blog expecting a "pure Primal/Paleo/Ancestral" point of view, you'll need to read posts dated April 2012 or earlier or go elsewhere. From now on, I will only claim to be Human. I'll communicate what's going on and how I react.
If I had found the paleo community in my 20s, which assumes it would have existed then, I truly believe I could have followed that lifestyle all my life. Due to the conditioning from 40+ years of binge/starve eating cycles, plus the stresses life will always include, I'm not able to manage ancestral eating on a sustained basis although I continue to respect and admire those who can.
My current eating pattern seems to be supporting my health and well-being but it doesn't fit any of the above labels as I stress whole/real foods but also compromise around my entrenched emotional cravings. This post was hard to write as it's a confession of weakness, including a much-dreaded new mugshot.
In April 2012, I celebrated a full year of "ancestral" eating. The first 3 months were Primal, the next 6 were Primal plus fermented water kefir/yogurt, and the final 3 incorporated occasional processed treats. In March 2012, I believed I had achieved a permanent healthy regimen and was no longer an out-of-control binge eater. I was down at least 30 pounds from my starting weight and I felt better physically than I had in 20+ years.
BUT, on the emotional side I was not so good. I'd already suffered weeks of severe family-related stress and frankly it was stressful to consistently avoid processed foods. My stress and performance grew worse in May but I tried my best to hold on. The underlying problems were that I couldn't solve the ongoing family stresses and I was in denial that I could avoid all junk food forever. While many claim there's no such thing as food addiction, my symptoms are pretty damn close--it's always been all or nothing. In mid-May I cracked, people. Folded, collapsed, lost control. Yes, I finally found comfort but I found it in the old familiar standby, binge eating of processed junk foods.
As always, binge eating of processed foods made me feel like total crap and trust me when I say my loss of control and rapid weight gain did nothing good for my self-esteem. For about 2 months, I'd say I was clinically depressed and in addition to eating mostly junk food I instinctively avoided people--not just in person but by avoiding email and Facebook--all human contact. Not only did I shy away from writing blog posts, I stopped reading my extensive list of health/diet blogs.
The somewhat-good news is that I didn't settle into the junk food binge for long this time. In the past I would've wallowed in my misery for years. This time, I thought and thought and thought about what had gone so well for a whole year, what had gone so wrong in May and where that left me. I was also less tolerant of the heartburn and other physical symptoms of eating junk.
So, where I am now?
My current mental health is good because I'm pretty clear on who I believe I am--or, should I say, who I am not.
I am not comfortable with a plant-exclusive eating pattern. My natural lifestyle is clearly tilted toward meat although I truly enjoy greens, veggies and fruits. My emotional cravings insist junk food is all I need/want but that's a guaranteed ticket to GI issues and malaise.
I am not a social butterfly. Put bluntly, I am an introvert and while I am naturally positive and serene when surrounded by Mother Nature, and companion animals, I am easily stressed by contact with the negative energy frequently surrounding other people. I love my family and friends but can only handle them in positive situations or limited doses. Bottom line: I am an emotional wimp.
To feel my best, I need nutritious food such as salads, fruit and beef or oily fish, but emotionally I can only handle that as a pure regimen for 6-12 months using maximum willpower. In order to avoid explosive junk food binges, I appear to need reasonable daily doses of the items my lifelong conditioning defines as "comfort."
Exactly what am I doing, you ask? I sip a couple mugs of coffee each morning--coffee that includes CoffeeMate liquid creamer. I'd prefer to use organic whole cream and quality honey but can't afford it. I've found coffee depresses my appetite for several hours and is soothing. For the remainder of the day, I drink ice water or carbonated water or 1 cup soda diluted into a 3-cup mug topped with water.
In late morning, I eat a meal that's usually 3 courses: fruit, salad and entree. My meals include meat but otherwise are some combination of vegetables, tubers, legumes and grains. Since my fruit and salad portions are large, my main meal portions are generous but not huge. I use oil and vinegar on my salads and thankfully that's my personal preference.
Within 2 hours after my meal, while I am physically full but subject to emotional cravings, I have a treat. One week it might be chips or pretzels, another week it could be mini-Snickers bars and another week ice cream. In other words, whatever I'm most craving but only one kind of processed food and I must be full when I eat it.
I limit myself to one coffee--meal--treat cycle per day. I don't feel physical hunger but I do (at present at least) still feel strong cravings for junk food in late afternoon and evening. I try to shift the cravings into anticipation of the next day's food and that's been working well. Discipline is still required, but not extreme willpower and not for extended periods--like forever.
The result of this compromise--so far--is that my GI tract is again happy, my energy level has rebounded and I'm not obsessing about a massive junk food binge. After all, I'll be having another treat tomorrow.
First, if you came to this blog expecting a "pure Primal/Paleo/Ancestral" point of view, you'll need to read posts dated April 2012 or earlier or go elsewhere. From now on, I will only claim to be Human. I'll communicate what's going on and how I react.
If I had found the paleo community in my 20s, which assumes it would have existed then, I truly believe I could have followed that lifestyle all my life. Due to the conditioning from 40+ years of binge/starve eating cycles, plus the stresses life will always include, I'm not able to manage ancestral eating on a sustained basis although I continue to respect and admire those who can.
My current eating pattern seems to be supporting my health and well-being but it doesn't fit any of the above labels as I stress whole/real foods but also compromise around my entrenched emotional cravings. This post was hard to write as it's a confession of weakness, including a much-dreaded new mugshot.
In April 2012, I celebrated a full year of "ancestral" eating. The first 3 months were Primal, the next 6 were Primal plus fermented water kefir/yogurt, and the final 3 incorporated occasional processed treats. In March 2012, I believed I had achieved a permanent healthy regimen and was no longer an out-of-control binge eater. I was down at least 30 pounds from my starting weight and I felt better physically than I had in 20+ years.
BUT, on the emotional side I was not so good. I'd already suffered weeks of severe family-related stress and frankly it was stressful to consistently avoid processed foods. My stress and performance grew worse in May but I tried my best to hold on. The underlying problems were that I couldn't solve the ongoing family stresses and I was in denial that I could avoid all junk food forever. While many claim there's no such thing as food addiction, my symptoms are pretty damn close--it's always been all or nothing. In mid-May I cracked, people. Folded, collapsed, lost control. Yes, I finally found comfort but I found it in the old familiar standby, binge eating of processed junk foods.
As always, binge eating of processed foods made me feel like total crap and trust me when I say my loss of control and rapid weight gain did nothing good for my self-esteem. For about 2 months, I'd say I was clinically depressed and in addition to eating mostly junk food I instinctively avoided people--not just in person but by avoiding email and Facebook--all human contact. Not only did I shy away from writing blog posts, I stopped reading my extensive list of health/diet blogs.
So, where I am now?
My current mental health is good because I'm pretty clear on who I believe I am--or, should I say, who I am not.
I am not comfortable with a plant-exclusive eating pattern. My natural lifestyle is clearly tilted toward meat although I truly enjoy greens, veggies and fruits. My emotional cravings insist junk food is all I need/want but that's a guaranteed ticket to GI issues and malaise.
I am not a social butterfly. Put bluntly, I am an introvert and while I am naturally positive and serene when surrounded by Mother Nature, and companion animals, I am easily stressed by contact with the negative energy frequently surrounding other people. I love my family and friends but can only handle them in positive situations or limited doses. Bottom line: I am an emotional wimp.
To feel my best, I need nutritious food such as salads, fruit and beef or oily fish, but emotionally I can only handle that as a pure regimen for 6-12 months using maximum willpower. In order to avoid explosive junk food binges, I appear to need reasonable daily doses of the items my lifelong conditioning defines as "comfort."
Exactly what am I doing, you ask? I sip a couple mugs of coffee each morning--coffee that includes CoffeeMate liquid creamer. I'd prefer to use organic whole cream and quality honey but can't afford it. I've found coffee depresses my appetite for several hours and is soothing. For the remainder of the day, I drink ice water or carbonated water or 1 cup soda diluted into a 3-cup mug topped with water.
In late morning, I eat a meal that's usually 3 courses: fruit, salad and entree. My meals include meat but otherwise are some combination of vegetables, tubers, legumes and grains. Since my fruit and salad portions are large, my main meal portions are generous but not huge. I use oil and vinegar on my salads and thankfully that's my personal preference.
Within 2 hours after my meal, while I am physically full but subject to emotional cravings, I have a treat. One week it might be chips or pretzels, another week it could be mini-Snickers bars and another week ice cream. In other words, whatever I'm most craving but only one kind of processed food and I must be full when I eat it.
I limit myself to one coffee--meal--treat cycle per day. I don't feel physical hunger but I do (at present at least) still feel strong cravings for junk food in late afternoon and evening. I try to shift the cravings into anticipation of the next day's food and that's been working well. Discipline is still required, but not extreme willpower and not for extended periods--like forever.
The result of this compromise--so far--is that my GI tract is again happy, my energy level has rebounded and I'm not obsessing about a massive junk food binge. After all, I'll be having another treat tomorrow.
April 17, 2012
Hands-On Eating: The Importance of Finger Food
March 28, 2012
Training for Maintenance: It's Not Easy
This is the 3rd post in a series about taking a break from active
fasting/dieting and just practicing what my daily life would be if food
were not the central issue in my life. I still lack confidence about
maintaining a good weight because of my history of yo-yo dieting and relapses of
binge eating. The kick-off post of this series can be found here and part 2 here.
"I eat merely to put food out of my mind." N.F. Simpson
Sure, go ahead and laugh but many of those in the "paleo" or ancestral eating community DO think hard (and communicate almost endlessly) about eating schedules and macronutrient ratios. But I don't think naturally lean people do that--I've known some and they've always given me bored looks when I talked about trying to lose weight. Some of those friends ate a lot of junk and ate whenever they wanted to without ever getting into trouble. Damn them.
I've also had some lean friends who knew they needed to be careful in what they ate, and were, but managed to make it look easy. They didn't seem to build their lives around what/when they ate. They tried to shop sensibly and eat sensibly and that was about all the thinking they did about food. Frankly, they are my desired role models although I also want to build my nutrition around whole foods which they didn't/don't worry about.
The rest of my friends have either been failed dieters who were out of control or active dieters who were completely obsessed with their efforts because that's what it took for them to continue dieting. I'm assuming this sounds very familiar--I've been in both groups numerous times and I don't recommend either as a long term role.
For my second week of "training" for maintenance I had 2 rules:
Yesterday was fairly typical of all the days in the past week. I didn't give food much thought while I sipped my morning mugs of coffee (adulterated as usual with heavy cream and honey) other than to marvel at feeling strong and calm. Right around noon I noticed the first stirrings of true (stomach/gut) hunger and opened the fridge to see what looked good.
I removed the bacon when browned and added 4 beef patties (from the package of grassfed ground beef I took out of the freezer yesterday.) I have a small package of little-neck clams in the freezer. I heard them calling, but only faintly, so I opened a can of sardines (in olive oil), sprinkled them with powdered mustard AND a spoonful of the liquid bacon fat from the skillet and sat down to enjoy. Big thumb's up for the bacon/sardines combo.
About an hour after eating that delicious meal I decided my sweet tooth needed a fix. I took a handful each of (frozen, organic) wild blueberries and red raspberries--okay, they were LARGE, carefully balanced, handfuls. I was in the process of making yogurt but didn't have any in the fridge, so I poured on a little heavy cream. I didn't measure the cream but there was none sitting in the bottom of the bowl and only some of the fruit was coated--3 tablespoons?
For me, eating whole foods--only when I'm hungry--will be a key piece. Stocking my kitchen with whole foods and not worrying constantly about food rotations and ratios--and not boring the world with my epic struggles--may be as close as I can come to experiencing maintenance as an "easy" process. I think I will gain some security if I continue my recent practice of monthly status checks, since I can make small, routine adjustments if/as needed yet monthly frequency will not feed day-to-day obsession in the way NOT checking would.
Part of me now feels energized and confident and ready to tackle the final phase of fat loss, but the rest of me feels the need to continue this rest phase. Right now, I'm basically obsessed about not being obsessed but I seem just a little closer to being ready for maintenance. This coming week may be my last one of practicing for maintenance or I may extend the maneuver for another week. Maybe.
"I eat merely to put food out of my mind." N.F. Simpson
While I've been doing well, I suspect maintenance won't be easy for me because I seem hard-wired to obsess about food whether the focus is buying/eating junk or buying/eating healthy or reading non-stop about eating. There aren't that many ex-bingers walking around the US looking lean so I will count my whole-foods journey as a success if I manage to reach/stay at a desirable weight even if I have to struggle with obsession forever.
After two weeks of concerted effort, I MAY have managed not to think too much about food yesterday (yes, I see the irony--it's a joke, okay?) As far as I know, I didn't plan my eating schedule and I didn't build my main meal around a predetermined ratio of macronutrients. I didn't measure ingredients or count calories. I just pretended it was easy to eat whole foods for fuel and go about my business.
After two weeks of concerted effort, I MAY have managed not to think too much about food yesterday (yes, I see the irony--it's a joke, okay?) As far as I know, I didn't plan my eating schedule and I didn't build my main meal around a predetermined ratio of macronutrients. I didn't measure ingredients or count calories. I just pretended it was easy to eat whole foods for fuel and go about my business.
Sure, go ahead and laugh but many of those in the "paleo" or ancestral eating community DO think hard (and communicate almost endlessly) about eating schedules and macronutrient ratios. But I don't think naturally lean people do that--I've known some and they've always given me bored looks when I talked about trying to lose weight. Some of those friends ate a lot of junk and ate whenever they wanted to without ever getting into trouble. Damn them.
I've also had some lean friends who knew they needed to be careful in what they ate, and were, but managed to make it look easy. They didn't seem to build their lives around what/when they ate. They tried to shop sensibly and eat sensibly and that was about all the thinking they did about food. Frankly, they are my desired role models although I also want to build my nutrition around whole foods which they didn't/don't worry about.
The rest of my friends have either been failed dieters who were out of control or active dieters who were completely obsessed with their efforts because that's what it took for them to continue dieting. I'm assuming this sounds very familiar--I've been in both groups numerous times and I don't recommend either as a long term role.
For my second week of "training" for maintenance I had 2 rules:
- eat only when hungry
- eat what I wanted from what was in my kitchen
Yesterday was fairly typical of all the days in the past week. I didn't give food much thought while I sipped my morning mugs of coffee (adulterated as usual with heavy cream and honey) other than to marvel at feeling strong and calm. Right around noon I noticed the first stirrings of true (stomach/gut) hunger and opened the fridge to see what looked good.
I grabbed the package of bacon and saw that the grandkid left me 2 pieces; I also grabbed the egg carton but there were only 3 left so I decided to leave those for him (or me on another day.) I slow-fried the bacon on med-low heat and, while it cooked, peeled and ate a grapefruit. Note: I always cut bacon strips in half for even cooking in the hottest parts of the skillet--plus 4 little pieces somehow seems like more than 2 longer strips.
I removed the bacon when browned and added 4 beef patties (from the package of grassfed ground beef I took out of the freezer yesterday.) I have a small package of little-neck clams in the freezer. I heard them calling, but only faintly, so I opened a can of sardines (in olive oil), sprinkled them with powdered mustard AND a spoonful of the liquid bacon fat from the skillet and sat down to enjoy. Big thumb's up for the bacon/sardines combo.
After happily eating the sardines, I flipped the burgers and chopped up 2 small yellow summer squashes. Actually, the squash was my second choice--I'd lost track of some fresh broccoli and when I grabbed it I realized it was no longer "fresh." After taking out the cooked burgers, I dumped the squash into the skillet for gentle cooking/browning. Two of the burgers went into the fridge and the other 2 were my main meal along with the squash. Yes, I know I ate HALF A POUND of beef plus 2 pieces of bacon. Plus the 3 or so cups of squash. Given my history of spectacular binge eating, why would you consider that noteworthy? I skipped salad, after all, due to lack of desire. For the record, this meal made me feel happily full but not uncomfortably stuffed. For the record.
Anyhow, I credit my recent frozen-fruit-with-yogurt-or-cream romance with totally distracting my lust for ice cream. On my last shopping trip I cheerfully walked past the ice cream section of the store to find the frozen organic fruit section and it didn't feel like a sacrifice.
For me, eating whole foods--only when I'm hungry--will be a key piece. Stocking my kitchen with whole foods and not worrying constantly about food rotations and ratios--and not boring the world with my epic struggles--may be as close as I can come to experiencing maintenance as an "easy" process. I think I will gain some security if I continue my recent practice of monthly status checks, since I can make small, routine adjustments if/as needed yet monthly frequency will not feed day-to-day obsession in the way NOT checking would.
Part of me now feels energized and confident and ready to tackle the final phase of fat loss, but the rest of me feels the need to continue this rest phase. Right now, I'm basically obsessed about not being obsessed but I seem just a little closer to being ready for maintenance. This coming week may be my last one of practicing for maintenance or I may extend the maneuver for another week. Maybe.
March 22, 2012
Weekly Update #1: Am I Training for Maintenance or Relapse?
Background: I am taking a break from active fasting/dieting and just practicing what my daily life will/would be if food were not a central issue/factor in my life. I still lack confidence about maintaining a good weight because of my history of yo-yo dieting and relapses of binge eating. The kick-off post of this series can be found here.
This is hard! I'm so deeply locked into fat-loss mode that just relaxing and eating--or not--actually feels dangerous and difficult. And, since it seems to rattle my comfort zone, pretending to be in maintenance DOES seem to carry some risk but also seems to be a worthwhile experiment.
On most days so far, I haven't been able to just relax and eat as if food isn't a major focus. One day I stayed within weight-loss bounds, just changed my menu sequence, and really felt as if I'd been guilty of a major binge. My usual routine had been to have yogurt with fruit followed by a meal an hour or 3 later. On the "wild and crazy" day, I started my day with a grapefruit and bacon/eggs and then a few hours later I had some frozen berries/banana with a glaze of heavy cream. No yogurt, one less mug of coffee, no large leafy salad with EVOO/vinegar.
Can you tell I really don't have a clue about succeeding in the world of "maintenance?"
Perhaps this maintenance window is about giving myself permission to just eat and see what happens, not expecting weight loss but being prepared to change if I experience weight gain. Maybe that's what maintenance is?
In the past week I've had many impulsive moments--not actions, just moments. Some of the impulses have been panic attacks in which I've wanted to return to "dieting" where, for now at least, I feel secure. Other moments have frankly been wild urges to go buy $50 worth of processed junk food and eat it all in binge mode. Still others have been panicky thoughts of fasting to overcome the imagined deviations from my "safe" routine.
Two days ago, I deliberately purchased and ate some ice cream and also ate some potato chips. Not an out-of-control binge, but definitely a departure from whole foods. And there was no extreme reaction--no fast, no reactive binge. Life simply went on.
Based on that, I am declaring the first week of maintenance testing a partial success. I am not retreating to weight-loss mode just yet, because the fact is I feel safe enough not to. I'm only claiming partial success because of those moments of panic and temptation. I believe it's in my best long-term interest to face my fears and impulses and reinforce the experience that life simply goes on after an eating incident and it's not a major life-changing event unless you decide it is.
For week #2, my goal is to work on relaxation and focusing on other things. I plan to simply eat--mostly whole foods, but not in a panicked, overly-dependent mode. I am resting from the discipline of my weight loss routine because it has become a little too important. If I succeed and just enjoy my week that will be good. If I don't, the training will continue for at least another week.
This is hard! I'm so deeply locked into fat-loss mode that just relaxing and eating--or not--actually feels dangerous and difficult. And, since it seems to rattle my comfort zone, pretending to be in maintenance DOES seem to carry some risk but also seems to be a worthwhile experiment.
On most days so far, I haven't been able to just relax and eat as if food isn't a major focus. One day I stayed within weight-loss bounds, just changed my menu sequence, and really felt as if I'd been guilty of a major binge. My usual routine had been to have yogurt with fruit followed by a meal an hour or 3 later. On the "wild and crazy" day, I started my day with a grapefruit and bacon/eggs and then a few hours later I had some frozen berries/banana with a glaze of heavy cream. No yogurt, one less mug of coffee, no large leafy salad with EVOO/vinegar.
Can you tell I really don't have a clue about succeeding in the world of "maintenance?"
Perhaps this maintenance window is about giving myself permission to just eat and see what happens, not expecting weight loss but being prepared to change if I experience weight gain. Maybe that's what maintenance is?
In the past week I've had many impulsive moments--not actions, just moments. Some of the impulses have been panic attacks in which I've wanted to return to "dieting" where, for now at least, I feel secure. Other moments have frankly been wild urges to go buy $50 worth of processed junk food and eat it all in binge mode. Still others have been panicky thoughts of fasting to overcome the imagined deviations from my "safe" routine.
Two days ago, I deliberately purchased and ate some ice cream and also ate some potato chips. Not an out-of-control binge, but definitely a departure from whole foods. And there was no extreme reaction--no fast, no reactive binge. Life simply went on.
Based on that, I am declaring the first week of maintenance testing a partial success. I am not retreating to weight-loss mode just yet, because the fact is I feel safe enough not to. I'm only claiming partial success because of those moments of panic and temptation. I believe it's in my best long-term interest to face my fears and impulses and reinforce the experience that life simply goes on after an eating incident and it's not a major life-changing event unless you decide it is.
For week #2, my goal is to work on relaxation and focusing on other things. I plan to simply eat--mostly whole foods, but not in a panicked, overly-dependent mode. I am resting from the discipline of my weight loss routine because it has become a little too important. If I succeed and just enjoy my week that will be good. If I don't, the training will continue for at least another week.
March 11, 2012
I'm Going to Binge! Oh, Never Mind ...
The past few days have been interesting!
After I made the wonderfully tasty cold banana pudding, I must admit I found my appetite somewhat higher. It not only tasted more like a dessert than the room-temperature version, I reacted as if it were. Nothing bad happened, though, until I was once again exposed to external family-related stress.
I bought and ate a large chunk of raspberry coffee cake (yes, sugar/wheat/SUGAR) in a "take that world" fit of temper. I fully expected to get sick as a dog but there were NO bad consequences. It's entirely possible I now have a truly healthy gut and one junk-food assault is not enough to make me sick. We could call the coffee cake incident risky or foolish, but we can't call it a binge because I ate one large serving and no more--plus there were no follow-up bags or boxes of junk.
The day after eating coffee cake I ate my normal healthy menu and the day after that was a calorie-deprived day in which I drank my usual coffee with cream and honey but ate no solid food. I'm not recommending that approach in any way but it actually worked quite well. I enjoyed the heck out of the coffee--even had a mug or two more than usual--and my body didn't even notice I wasn't eating until about an hour before bed time so I easily shrugged off the impulse. As usual, I had no acute hunger the next morning (yesterday.)
BUT something interesting happened. At mid-day I made myself a weekend-style breakfast of 3 pieces of bacon, 3 eggs fried in the bacon fat and a large serving (more than a cup but less than 2 I think) of the rice/veg dish which I added to the skillet for a swim in the bacon fat. I actually started the breakfast with 2/3 cup home-made yogurt and a banana. So I think we can all agree it was a huge feed of nutrients. Unfortunately, it didn't turn off my impulse to eat--I was just as "hungry" when I finished the meal as when I started.
In my binge-eating career, this was how all serious binges started, by eating what should have been a large satiating meal but finding myself totally crazy with an urge to eat junk. So, I found myself thinking this might be it--after a year of healthy eating with splurges here and there I may be about to drive to the store and buy armfuls of junk. Drum roll ...
What I DID do was make myself a 4-5 cup leafy salad and I ate a whole grapefruit plus the salad. And here's the REALLY weird thing. After I ate this second meal, with more food volume but much lower caloric/energy value than the breakfast I'd eaten an hour previously, the lizard brain impulse to binge WAS STILL THERE but my stomach/gut were so stuffed I found it incredibly easy to do nothing. Over the course of 2 hours the over-stuffed feeling gradually faded and so did the urge to binge.
This morning I woke up feeling great, not to mention "lean and mean." All physical indications are that I actually lost some weight overnight which makes sense on 2 fronts--one, recent emptying of some fat cells could very well be what triggered the binge impulse and two, when you look at what I actually ate yesterday it was within my normal range of a day's food (just a little out of sequence) and I had been calorie-restricted the previous day.
So here I am, learning more and more about my body's signals and responses. I'm eating normally today (Sunday) and Monday will be another coffee-only fast and THEN I'll be very interested in how my body responds on Tuesday. Will it be a normal day of eating or will I again have "binge fever" and need to make an extra-large salad to make the lizard brain happy?
After I made the wonderfully tasty cold banana pudding, I must admit I found my appetite somewhat higher. It not only tasted more like a dessert than the room-temperature version, I reacted as if it were. Nothing bad happened, though, until I was once again exposed to external family-related stress.
I bought and ate a large chunk of raspberry coffee cake (yes, sugar/wheat/SUGAR) in a "take that world" fit of temper. I fully expected to get sick as a dog but there were NO bad consequences. It's entirely possible I now have a truly healthy gut and one junk-food assault is not enough to make me sick. We could call the coffee cake incident risky or foolish, but we can't call it a binge because I ate one large serving and no more--plus there were no follow-up bags or boxes of junk.
The day after eating coffee cake I ate my normal healthy menu and the day after that was a calorie-deprived day in which I drank my usual coffee with cream and honey but ate no solid food. I'm not recommending that approach in any way but it actually worked quite well. I enjoyed the heck out of the coffee--even had a mug or two more than usual--and my body didn't even notice I wasn't eating until about an hour before bed time so I easily shrugged off the impulse. As usual, I had no acute hunger the next morning (yesterday.)
BUT something interesting happened. At mid-day I made myself a weekend-style breakfast of 3 pieces of bacon, 3 eggs fried in the bacon fat and a large serving (more than a cup but less than 2 I think) of the rice/veg dish which I added to the skillet for a swim in the bacon fat. I actually started the breakfast with 2/3 cup home-made yogurt and a banana. So I think we can all agree it was a huge feed of nutrients. Unfortunately, it didn't turn off my impulse to eat--I was just as "hungry" when I finished the meal as when I started.
In my binge-eating career, this was how all serious binges started, by eating what should have been a large satiating meal but finding myself totally crazy with an urge to eat junk. So, I found myself thinking this might be it--after a year of healthy eating with splurges here and there I may be about to drive to the store and buy armfuls of junk. Drum roll ...
What I DID do was make myself a 4-5 cup leafy salad and I ate a whole grapefruit plus the salad. And here's the REALLY weird thing. After I ate this second meal, with more food volume but much lower caloric/energy value than the breakfast I'd eaten an hour previously, the lizard brain impulse to binge WAS STILL THERE but my stomach/gut were so stuffed I found it incredibly easy to do nothing. Over the course of 2 hours the over-stuffed feeling gradually faded and so did the urge to binge.
This morning I woke up feeling great, not to mention "lean and mean." All physical indications are that I actually lost some weight overnight which makes sense on 2 fronts--one, recent emptying of some fat cells could very well be what triggered the binge impulse and two, when you look at what I actually ate yesterday it was within my normal range of a day's food (just a little out of sequence) and I had been calorie-restricted the previous day.
So here I am, learning more and more about my body's signals and responses. I'm eating normally today (Sunday) and Monday will be another coffee-only fast and THEN I'll be very interested in how my body responds on Tuesday. Will it be a normal day of eating or will I again have "binge fever" and need to make an extra-large salad to make the lizard brain happy?
January 26, 2012
Does "No Symptoms" Mean No Problems?
I've been thinking a lot about my health lately, I guess because I've been feeling so great. I've wondered to what extent my metabolism has actually healed and to what extent my ancestral eating is masking symptoms I might otherwise be having.
And that's where my question to you comes from--are you assuming that no symptoms means no problems? If you're making annual trips to a doctor for a thorough check-up I'd support you in saying that's enough and I'd also support you in taking your own measurements every few months just because you're interested. But my question remains.
I'm usually careful to eat fruit in modest amounts and eat other foods either immediately afterward or with the fruit. I've wondered, though, how my blood pressure and glucose would respond if I splurged by eating a lot of fruit by itself. I've also wondered how I'm handling the yogurt I've started eating most mornings.
If you aren't having check-ups with a physician, which I suspect is more common these days because of financial pressures and high medical/insurance costs, are you taking your own blood pressure and glucose measurements? Or, are you assuming that no symptoms means no problems?
The good news for you is that I'm not going to bore you with a blow-by-blow description of the lengthy experiment I ran this week testing my blood pressure and glucose. I will share a few observations though.
My typical morning coffee--2 mugs over 2 hours with heavy cream and honey--barely registers on the blood glucose meter. I've read that some people have high insulin responses to dairy, but clearly I don't. Also, the home-made yogurt I frequently have for breakfast plus the quantity of fruit I typically add causes only a moderate blood glucose reaction well within the normal range.
During my experiment, I ate fruit as stand-alone meals three times, 2 large meals and one smaller meal of the exact types/quantities of fruit I had added to my yogurt the morning before.
My fasting blood pressure and glucose rates are both very normal on the typical ancestral meals I've been eating. After the large fruit-only meals, my blood glucose had returned to about the fasting rate 2 hours later BUT the readings spiked pretty high at the 30-90 minute marks. The smaller meal of fruit stayed within the normal range throughout but my blood glucose went higher than when I ate the same amount of fruit with yogurt or any of my typical fruit-salad-meat meals.
The bottom line for me is that I was paying very close attention so I noticed some very slight symptoms after eating the large meals of fruit, including minor mood alteration (less calm). If I hadn't been paying attention I don't think I would've noticed anything although I would've been less serene than usual for a few days. I've been known to eat stand-alone meals of sweet fruit from time to time but I probably won't do that any more.
What about you? Are you relying on "no symptoms" or do you know how your meals affect you? Do you eat enough fruit or sweeteners that it matters?
And that's where my question to you comes from--are you assuming that no symptoms means no problems? If you're making annual trips to a doctor for a thorough check-up I'd support you in saying that's enough and I'd also support you in taking your own measurements every few months just because you're interested. But my question remains.
I'm usually careful to eat fruit in modest amounts and eat other foods either immediately afterward or with the fruit. I've wondered, though, how my blood pressure and glucose would respond if I splurged by eating a lot of fruit by itself. I've also wondered how I'm handling the yogurt I've started eating most mornings.
If you aren't having check-ups with a physician, which I suspect is more common these days because of financial pressures and high medical/insurance costs, are you taking your own blood pressure and glucose measurements? Or, are you assuming that no symptoms means no problems?
The good news for you is that I'm not going to bore you with a blow-by-blow description of the lengthy experiment I ran this week testing my blood pressure and glucose. I will share a few observations though.
My typical morning coffee--2 mugs over 2 hours with heavy cream and honey--barely registers on the blood glucose meter. I've read that some people have high insulin responses to dairy, but clearly I don't. Also, the home-made yogurt I frequently have for breakfast plus the quantity of fruit I typically add causes only a moderate blood glucose reaction well within the normal range.
During my experiment, I ate fruit as stand-alone meals three times, 2 large meals and one smaller meal of the exact types/quantities of fruit I had added to my yogurt the morning before.
My fasting blood pressure and glucose rates are both very normal on the typical ancestral meals I've been eating. After the large fruit-only meals, my blood glucose had returned to about the fasting rate 2 hours later BUT the readings spiked pretty high at the 30-90 minute marks. The smaller meal of fruit stayed within the normal range throughout but my blood glucose went higher than when I ate the same amount of fruit with yogurt or any of my typical fruit-salad-meat meals.
The bottom line for me is that I was paying very close attention so I noticed some very slight symptoms after eating the large meals of fruit, including minor mood alteration (less calm). If I hadn't been paying attention I don't think I would've noticed anything although I would've been less serene than usual for a few days. I've been known to eat stand-alone meals of sweet fruit from time to time but I probably won't do that any more.
What about you? Are you relying on "no symptoms" or do you know how your meals affect you? Do you eat enough fruit or sweeteners that it matters?
January 15, 2012
When Life Happens ...
I've been waiting for something to happen that triggered strong emotions.
It wouldn't have mattered whether the emotions were happy, sad, fearful or what--strong emotions can cause a desire to eat, particularly in binge eaters. In my case, the urge to eat was always for the junk foods I was usually trying to avoid.
And here I am tonight, pouting because the Green Bay Packers lost. Pouting angrily. I lived in Wisconsin for about 40 years so I'm deeply fond of the Wisconsin Badgers and the Pack.
I've been waiting for something emotional to happen to see how I would react now that I seem to be an ex-binger. And yep, it's pretty different. I had my usual morning of coffee with cream and a little sugar (out of honey--bleh even turbanado tastes awful to me now.) I also had my usual dish of home-made yogurt. Wow, the yogurt was fabulous! It's taken a while, but I've grown to love the taste of the yogurt by itself rather than needing to have fruit as the dominant flavor. I still add fruit--today it was an organic banana and a ripe persimmon--but I like a little pure yogurt with each bite of fruit.
Anyhow, I digress. My morning and mid-day were normal. I didn't eat before the Packer game because I was too nervous. I drank a pineapple water kefir and that was it. Now that the game's been over for a while and I'm calming down, I find I have no appetite at all. Unless something changes in the next hour or so it looks like I'll wait until tomorrow to eat.
No urge to binge at all. When eating loses it's importance as a stress management tool there's just no impulse to binge. Since I'm enjoying my whole foods so much, that's pretty weird really.
The next time you get emotional, find your "comfort" in something other than food--put eating in its proper place.
Update 1/16/12: As I suspected, I never became hungry last night and I'm no more hungry than usual this morning. I really believe the "weak from not eating" is either a mental belief creating reality or a symptom of inability to burn stored fat.
I do plan to eat a complete and healthy menu today but no extra portions.
It wouldn't have mattered whether the emotions were happy, sad, fearful or what--strong emotions can cause a desire to eat, particularly in binge eaters. In my case, the urge to eat was always for the junk foods I was usually trying to avoid.
And here I am tonight, pouting because the Green Bay Packers lost. Pouting angrily. I lived in Wisconsin for about 40 years so I'm deeply fond of the Wisconsin Badgers and the Pack.
I've been waiting for something emotional to happen to see how I would react now that I seem to be an ex-binger. And yep, it's pretty different. I had my usual morning of coffee with cream and a little sugar (out of honey--bleh even turbanado tastes awful to me now.) I also had my usual dish of home-made yogurt. Wow, the yogurt was fabulous! It's taken a while, but I've grown to love the taste of the yogurt by itself rather than needing to have fruit as the dominant flavor. I still add fruit--today it was an organic banana and a ripe persimmon--but I like a little pure yogurt with each bite of fruit.
Anyhow, I digress. My morning and mid-day were normal. I didn't eat before the Packer game because I was too nervous. I drank a pineapple water kefir and that was it. Now that the game's been over for a while and I'm calming down, I find I have no appetite at all. Unless something changes in the next hour or so it looks like I'll wait until tomorrow to eat.
No urge to binge at all. When eating loses it's importance as a stress management tool there's just no impulse to binge. Since I'm enjoying my whole foods so much, that's pretty weird really.
The next time you get emotional, find your "comfort" in something other than food--put eating in its proper place.
Update 1/16/12: As I suspected, I never became hungry last night and I'm no more hungry than usual this morning. I really believe the "weak from not eating" is either a mental belief creating reality or a symptom of inability to burn stored fat.
I do plan to eat a complete and healthy menu today but no extra portions.
January 11, 2012
The End of Binge Eating as I Knew It
Previously titled "Binge Eating is SOOO Neolithic." In the Paleo/Ancestral community, "neolithic" refers to highly processed/refined/manufactured products.
This post is not for everyone. If you aren't a binge eater, you may think you understand but you don't because most binge eating occurs in private--out of guilt and shame. And since all binge eaters KNOW others don't understand I'm going to bare my soul in this post even though it makes me a little uncomfortable. We're not talking about having 2 helpings of dessert here.
This post is not for everyone. If you aren't a binge eater, you may think you understand but you don't because most binge eating occurs in private--out of guilt and shame. And since all binge eaters KNOW others don't understand I'm going to bare my soul in this post even though it makes me a little uncomfortable. We're not talking about having 2 helpings of dessert here.
Non-bingers are welcome to read the remainder of the essay but you still won't get it any more than you can really understand other problems you've never had--smoking, anorexia, migraine, alcoholism, etc. You just have to be there.
My Credentials
I still remember roaming the halls of my mother's apartment and feeling totally alone. She was working to support us so she was either gone or asleep. My father and brother were 1000 miles away and I missed them desperately. I was in a low place. I enjoyed school but I was a "brain" and had few friends since everyone knows brains are "weird."
There was nothing else to do, really, a 15-year-old girl can't go walking around in the night so I started eating for comfort. What, you ask, was the magic food that plunged me into 50-odd years of binge eating? LIMA BEANS. Yes, because that's what was in the kitchen and not much else. Having a major binge on processed junk came much later as money became available and I could buy the stuff for myself. One element of emotional binge eating is that it's not about the food--if available, you'll go for junk but you'll binge one way or another.
There was nothing else to do, really, a 15-year-old girl can't go walking around in the night so I started eating for comfort. What, you ask, was the magic food that plunged me into 50-odd years of binge eating? LIMA BEANS. Yes, because that's what was in the kitchen and not much else. Having a major binge on processed junk came much later as money became available and I could buy the stuff for myself. One element of emotional binge eating is that it's not about the food--if available, you'll go for junk but you'll binge one way or another.
At 17, out on my own and staying in a motel for a temporary job, I was so consumed with guilt after an evening binge that I threw the remaining food away some distance from the motel. But the next day I bought another supply so I tried to purge--I couldn't do that, and I'm sure my teeth and throat are grateful to this day. I had to trek back into the night again to throw away the remains of THAT binge. If you are a binge eater this is may be sounding somewhat familiar.
During my 21-year marriage I did most of my binge eating when I was home alone or the only one awake. It wasn't really a secret, of course, since junk disappeared from cupboards and my weight was out there for the world to see. I had enough shame that I started stopping on the way home from work to buy food to binge on before my family came home and I made sure to hide the bags and boxes. It was also during my marriage that I became a yo-yo dieter, losing and re-gaining the same 50-60 pounds four times.
After an involuntary divorce I achieved a truly lean and fit physique through heavy cardio--and stress of course--and maintained it for a few years which was really great. I was still having 1-3 binge days per week but I managed to burn it all off. Until I crashed because I have loose joints and had to stop all exercise and endure a cervical fusion plus shoulder surgery. I'd been doing so much that I pretty well destroyed all my joints. I rapidly found myself at a new peak weight and remained solidly in binge mode until April 2011 when I gathered my courage and decided to try ancestral eating.
A New Way of Eating
I had been Google-ing healthy eating because I was desperate to do something to feel better but also determined never again to try an extreme diet after 4 failures. Somehow I stumbled across Mark Sisson's book The Primal Blueprint and, gradually over the course of about 3 weeks, a number of books and web sites. Although I eventually purchased The Primal Blueprint and several other books, it was following conversations on a question-and-answer site called PaleoHacks that finally pushed me into giving ancestral eating a try.
The first week was tough but I was a pro at "first weeks." Between 2 and 3 weeks in, I noticed that I didn't need GERD medicine any more. My life-long stuffy nose (I was the classic runny-nosed kid) dried up. My bloated, sore gut started to feel better. And, magically, all the stinging and tingling in my joints and limbs disappeared.
Something else happened too. The ancestral foods I was eating started to taste GOOD. I mean, biting into a plum was orgasmic. Meat and grapefruit started to taste SWEET. It was truly amazing. A life-changing success story, right?
Um ... no. I was still a binge eater. At about 3 months in, I started occasional binges on fruit. After all, that was better than chips and cookies, right? Then, 4 months in, I had the bright idea that every weekend I could have one, just one, soft-serve cone as a treat. Within 2 weeks, of course, I lost it and went out to buy all my binge favorites. Yes, I had a mental list and I got them all. It took me about 4 days to work through all the foods. For the first time in my life, though, the binge didn't follow the script.
All of those life-long favorites tasted BLEH. To be fair, they tasted exactly like what they are--manufactured food-like products. But my tastebuds and gut were now acclimated to real, whole food and they sent me very clear signals. In other words, rather than just being uncomfortably full as expected, I got sick as a dog. Down and out. I felt too bad to even be too guilty about the binge; I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
So, I went back to ancestral foods and within a week I felt better. Once I was feeling better I did a really brilliant thing and convinced myself the first reaction was just because I wasn't used to those foods any more but I'd be okay now, right? So, out I went to buy them all again. On the second binge the foods tasted even worse and I got much sicker much faster so I stopped eating the junk halfway through the pile. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the end of my career as a binge eater. So far. I have no crystal ball.
The second binge occurred in late August. Since that time, when I look at neolithic (manufactured food-like) products they register in my brain at the same level as plaster figurines. That makes sense as the nutritional equivalents probably aren't all that different. :-))
The result, or perhaps the final step, of my recovery was intermittent fasting also known as IF. There are many discussions about IF on PaleoHacks and a web site called leangains.com is considered the home of IF but I'll just provide a simple definition here: you eat a large, nutrient-dense meal and you don't eat again until you are physically hungry. In the beginning this could be only a few hours but over time the interval frequently becomes longer as your lean mass reaches good overall nourishment. If you find yourself indifferent about eating and deciding to skip a meal you just started IF and that's how it happened for me. I went from 3 meals to 2 and then from 2 to one. Recently, I added a small breakfast and still have my main meal in mid-afternoon. On a given day, if I feel no interest in food I don't eat even if it means I don't eat that day--that's happened a few times but I never plan/schedule it and it's a non-event on the same level that being unusually hungry and having an extra meal is. Most veteran IF-ers find they have a preferred "eating window" of 4-8 hours during which they usually eat their daily food but it's not a hard-and-fast rule.
The End of Binge Eating
The final chapter of my story is the holidays just past. In mid-November, my waist measurement was down 5" from early September and I was happily perking along with IF. I became slightly apprehensive, though, because the holidays were traditionally the time that I fell off the diet wagon and began the bitter climb back to my peak weight. After much thought, I decided to face the issue head-on. If I was going to fail in the long run there was really no point in trying to be perfect during the holidays.
I declared "open eating season" and planned for the season to be from mid-November to either early January or after my birthday in mid-February. On Thanksgiving I attended a neighborhood bring-a-dish feast and I chose to take a mixed fruit salad with no additives except cinnamon. To my surprise, I looked at the "plaster figurines" and just didn't want any of them so I grabbed some raw veggies, some of my fruit salad and a nice pile of turkey meat. The only person comfortable with that was me, so I left a little early. It's strange, isn't it, that all my friends exclaimed with delight over my improved figure but were unhappy with my food choices . . .
Since this was an as-desired open season, it turned out that I didn't eat any neolithic choices at all until mid-December. At that point, I bought some shortbread. That didn't turn out well as this post explains. But for the remainder of the holidays I enjoyed some ice cream, corn chips and other non-wheat treats without any problems. If I'm honest, I had a few momentary impulses to binge but my brain (I think it was the one in my gut) rejected the notion instantly. As there wasn't a single day on which the neolithic treat tasted as good as the ancestral foods/treats I wound up closing open season early and resuming my normal routine with a deep sense of relief. Assuming my waist would be the same or an inch or so larger, I took a measurement on the 3rd or 4th day after closing the holiday season and found it was an inch smaller.
If you are a binge eater, here are my closing thoughts:
The first week was tough but I was a pro at "first weeks." Between 2 and 3 weeks in, I noticed that I didn't need GERD medicine any more. My life-long stuffy nose (I was the classic runny-nosed kid) dried up. My bloated, sore gut started to feel better. And, magically, all the stinging and tingling in my joints and limbs disappeared.
Something else happened too. The ancestral foods I was eating started to taste GOOD. I mean, biting into a plum was orgasmic. Meat and grapefruit started to taste SWEET. It was truly amazing. A life-changing success story, right?
Um ... no. I was still a binge eater. At about 3 months in, I started occasional binges on fruit. After all, that was better than chips and cookies, right? Then, 4 months in, I had the bright idea that every weekend I could have one, just one, soft-serve cone as a treat. Within 2 weeks, of course, I lost it and went out to buy all my binge favorites. Yes, I had a mental list and I got them all. It took me about 4 days to work through all the foods. For the first time in my life, though, the binge didn't follow the script.
All of those life-long favorites tasted BLEH. To be fair, they tasted exactly like what they are--manufactured food-like products. But my tastebuds and gut were now acclimated to real, whole food and they sent me very clear signals. In other words, rather than just being uncomfortably full as expected, I got sick as a dog. Down and out. I felt too bad to even be too guilty about the binge; I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
So, I went back to ancestral foods and within a week I felt better. Once I was feeling better I did a really brilliant thing and convinced myself the first reaction was just because I wasn't used to those foods any more but I'd be okay now, right? So, out I went to buy them all again. On the second binge the foods tasted even worse and I got much sicker much faster so I stopped eating the junk halfway through the pile. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the end of my career as a binge eater. So far. I have no crystal ball.
The second binge occurred in late August. Since that time, when I look at neolithic (manufactured food-like) products they register in my brain at the same level as plaster figurines. That makes sense as the nutritional equivalents probably aren't all that different. :-))
The result, or perhaps the final step, of my recovery was intermittent fasting also known as IF. There are many discussions about IF on PaleoHacks and a web site called leangains.com is considered the home of IF but I'll just provide a simple definition here: you eat a large, nutrient-dense meal and you don't eat again until you are physically hungry. In the beginning this could be only a few hours but over time the interval frequently becomes longer as your lean mass reaches good overall nourishment. If you find yourself indifferent about eating and deciding to skip a meal you just started IF and that's how it happened for me. I went from 3 meals to 2 and then from 2 to one. Recently, I added a small breakfast and still have my main meal in mid-afternoon. On a given day, if I feel no interest in food I don't eat even if it means I don't eat that day--that's happened a few times but I never plan/schedule it and it's a non-event on the same level that being unusually hungry and having an extra meal is. Most veteran IF-ers find they have a preferred "eating window" of 4-8 hours during which they usually eat their daily food but it's not a hard-and-fast rule.
The End of Binge Eating
The final chapter of my story is the holidays just past. In mid-November, my waist measurement was down 5" from early September and I was happily perking along with IF. I became slightly apprehensive, though, because the holidays were traditionally the time that I fell off the diet wagon and began the bitter climb back to my peak weight. After much thought, I decided to face the issue head-on. If I was going to fail in the long run there was really no point in trying to be perfect during the holidays.
I declared "open eating season" and planned for the season to be from mid-November to either early January or after my birthday in mid-February. On Thanksgiving I attended a neighborhood bring-a-dish feast and I chose to take a mixed fruit salad with no additives except cinnamon. To my surprise, I looked at the "plaster figurines" and just didn't want any of them so I grabbed some raw veggies, some of my fruit salad and a nice pile of turkey meat. The only person comfortable with that was me, so I left a little early. It's strange, isn't it, that all my friends exclaimed with delight over my improved figure but were unhappy with my food choices . . .
Since this was an as-desired open season, it turned out that I didn't eat any neolithic choices at all until mid-December. At that point, I bought some shortbread. That didn't turn out well as this post explains. But for the remainder of the holidays I enjoyed some ice cream, corn chips and other non-wheat treats without any problems. If I'm honest, I had a few momentary impulses to binge but my brain (I think it was the one in my gut) rejected the notion instantly. As there wasn't a single day on which the neolithic treat tasted as good as the ancestral foods/treats I wound up closing open season early and resuming my normal routine with a deep sense of relief. Assuming my waist would be the same or an inch or so larger, I took a measurement on the 3rd or 4th day after closing the holiday season and found it was an inch smaller.
If you are a binge eater, here are my closing thoughts:
- It's not hopeless! It's hard as hell and you have to be stubborn and really want it.
- Learn the difference between physical hunger and emotional cravings. This post may help.
- You may not be able to stop binge eating until you truly prefer real foods to manufactured food-like products. Work on that. Find out which meats/vegetables/fruits delight your senses.
- Binge eating is over when you see neolithic food-like products and they register in your brain as "not food." That has to follow step 2 though.
I hope this is the beginning of the end for binge eating in your life. Remember--neither fun nor comfort are spelled FOOD.
P.S. If you are a binge eater, you really need to get over your guilt and shame and translate them to living your way to a better life. An interesting post by Paul Jaminet this week hypothesized that food cravings are really your lean mass screaming for nourishment but we don't realize that so we eat more and more non-nutritious food instead. So give your gut what it wants--start eating real whole foods!
P.S. If you are a binge eater, you really need to get over your guilt and shame and translate them to living your way to a better life. An interesting post by Paul Jaminet this week hypothesized that food cravings are really your lean mass screaming for nourishment but we don't realize that so we eat more and more non-nutritious food instead. So give your gut what it wants--start eating real whole foods!
December 30, 2011
It's Time, and I'm Ready! Part #3
Happy New Year! I'm posting this on New Year's Eve so here's hoping you've had a great holiday season and you're excited about what you can do to make your life rich and enjoyable in 2012.
This will be the final update to this post because the "transition" back to ancestral eating turned out to be a ho-hum event with no difficulties whatsoever. Wednesday morning I will measure my waist and hips, begin my 2012 walking program and take my picture for use in a month or so to evaluate my progress.
I lived in Wisconsin for many years and on Tuesday the Badgers are in the Rose Bowl. My menu will be ancestral but I plan to park myself in my recliner, celebrate, and watch lots of football. Food-wise, no major adjustments will be needed for weight loss but I do plan to moderate some of my daily portions starting Wednesday:
- Full-fat yogurt will drop from 2/3 cup to 1/2 c daily
- Total fruit will be reduced from 2-3 cups daily to 1 c or less
- Coffee will be reduced from 2 mugs to 1 (only because I'm not willing to reduce the cream/honey I add per mug. I'd rather have 1 yummy mug than 2 yucky ones)
If you have established a goal to lose weight after the holidays I strongly encourage you to measure your waist and your hips and make sure you can find the note in a month. You could measure other places, of course, but if your waist and/or hips are losing inches you can bet the rest of you is doing the same. Also, you can calculate your waist-to-hips-ratio.
Plan to re-measure about once per month. If you do it more often than monthly, you have an anxiety issue so just chill. :-)) Okay, okay, if you HAVE to you can measure more often but don't expect dramatic changes every week. It's also a good idea to take your picture so you can compare monthly photos and monitor your progress. If you find yourself struggling to get your weight loss started, check back here. I plan to offer a few suggestions in my next post.
In my case, I admit I expected the end of holiday splurging to be a much different experience, based on my history of binge eating and sugar addiction, but I suffered no cravings for sugar and I'm happy as a clam to be back eating grain-free, sugar-free, additive-free whole foods. During the holiday season I have been very lazy so an important goal for me will be walking every other day until I can go at least 2 miles. When I can do that, I'll start using 3-day cycles in which I walk twice and rest once.
 |
| New Year's Eve Dinner :-)) |
Part II - late on 12/30/11
Happy New Year's Eve! (posted late on the 30th) My first day went well! For breakfast, I chopped a fermented fig and a ripe persimmon and mixed them in 1/2 c full-fat yogurt.
I fixed my salad at about 1 pm and sat in my recliner munching slowly in the way I used to enjoy a bag of chips. I ate my beef stew at about 2 pm; since it was a same-day stew the bones weren't quite completely clean so I dished some bones into the bowl and had a great time gnawing off the last of the cartilage and sucking out the last clinging bits of marrow. I also went back for seconds, so the bones in the second photo represent both helpings. On slow-cooked stews that have cooked longer, been chilled and then re-heated, the bones are clean and I just toss them.
 |
| Bone Broth Stew |
 |
| Nothing Left But Bones |
I expect stronger cravings on New Years Eve. At the very least I want to be mentally prepared in case they strike hard. I'm going to do some laundry at mid-day to keep me away from the fridge for a while and then I'll eat my main meal later in the day so there's less time to think about food afterward.
My planned menu is suitably festive: fried pork rind (I buy a brand that comes in large chunks rather than machine-cut pieces,) salad, shrimp and eggs sauteed in butter and--wait for it--broccoli cooked in bone broth. In honor of the holiday, I'll finish with one square of 90% chocolate. You may not have noticed, but you can now buy chocolate bars at your regular supermarket that are nearly pure chocolate. I find that greater than 90% doesn't taste good enough to be a treat but 90% or even 85% tastes great without causing binge cravings.
My New Year's Eve will be quiet. The grandkid is spending the night at a friend's place and I will watch the Eastern time zone's celebration with a fizzy water kefir.
Part 1: Originally posted on the morning of 12/30/2011
I'm calling an early end to my holiday "open eating" season. The plan was to stop splurging on Jan 3rd, but for a number of reasons today is the day. Don't worry, I will have home-made eggnog and other ancestral goodies this weekend but I won't eat any more processed/commercial treats.
One reason for the accelerated schedule is that it isn't fun any more. I mean, in the past few days I'd look back at what I ate each day and the food that tasted the best was never one of the splurges--it was the yogurt and fruit, or the brussels sprouts cooked in bone broth, or the bacon bites. So why bother?
Two other reasons for stopping are more ominous: It was becoming important to have a neolithic treat every day AND I was starting to feel physical signs of an unhappy GI tract--tingling down my arms, uneasy stomach and bloated gut. It really makes you wonder why I would start to feel strong urges to eat more of food that didn't even agree with me, doesn't it?
So, if you're also trying to shift what you eat--a little or a lot--I invite you to join me as I head back to the health and well-being of ancestral eating. If you just want to keep me company as I jot down my results for the next few days that would be great too. I will post daily updates at the top of this post for the next week or so until I feel confident I am safely through New Years weekend and back onto my ancestral routine.
This morning is easy--two mugs of coffee. I always put a little heavy cream and a tsp of honey in mine and I happen to think it eases any urge to eat first thing. Others drink it black. You do what you want, but I do best with a light "breakfast" at mid-day and my main meal in the afternoon.
My breakfast will be about half a cup of home-made yogurt with a fermented fig (from my water kefir brew) and a banana. Doesn't sound like a diet, does it? It isn't; it's a lifestyle and you don't punish yourself, you just ease your way to better shape. Some in the ancestral community avoid dairy but I do use cream, butter and yogurt although in moderate amounts.
I don't plan to eat a snack today but if I feel I need one I'll eat a can of sardines. With or without the sardines I will drink a bottle or two of home-made water kefir.
My main meal will be a salad and a large bowl of bone broth stew. I started the stew this morning but first let's talk about the salad. I like rich-colored leaf lettuce. It tastes good and has lots of volume to make me feel like I've eaten a lot of food. I add a green onion and some celery (think crunch) and some cucumber. Oil and vinegar with a little salt and pepper and it's great to sit and crunch the salad. I sit in my recliner and I take my time to slowly munch my way through the bowl. It should be a relaxing interval rather than an intense workout for the jaw.
Okay, about the stew. At a local market, I found 2 small packages of inexpensive meat/bones--a hunk of marrow bone sliced into several thin slices and a cross-cut piece of shank. I also found a small package of 3 cross-sections of beef tail. All together, the meat/bone items cost about $7 and the meat/broth will be good for at least 3 meals. Since I always have bone broth on hand, I didn't put water on the meat after I seared it in fat from the previous stew--I added rich broth and vegetables from the previous batch. I brought it all to a boil and it will simmer gently all day until I'm ready to eat it.
Note: I added a lot of broth to the bowl after taking the photo; I just wanted the solids to show up well. I won't add vegetables today as there are brussels sprouts and carrots I added a day or two ago, but whenever the stew runs out of meat or vegetables I just add what I want. I frequently add a dose of cod liver oil to the broth just before eating (not into the main stew.) I will eat as much as I want, there's no need to walk away hungry. The salad will take care of portion control anyhow.
If you're not comfortable without breakfast, have the meat of your choice plus eggs. If you want a meal in the evening, have the meat of your choice and 1 or 2 vegetables. Something like asparagus and maybe 1/3 of a sweet potato or half of a white one with butter.
Talk to you tomorrow!
This morning is easy--two mugs of coffee. I always put a little heavy cream and a tsp of honey in mine and I happen to think it eases any urge to eat first thing. Others drink it black. You do what you want, but I do best with a light "breakfast" at mid-day and my main meal in the afternoon.
My breakfast will be about half a cup of home-made yogurt with a fermented fig (from my water kefir brew) and a banana. Doesn't sound like a diet, does it? It isn't; it's a lifestyle and you don't punish yourself, you just ease your way to better shape. Some in the ancestral community avoid dairy but I do use cream, butter and yogurt although in moderate amounts.
I don't plan to eat a snack today but if I feel I need one I'll eat a can of sardines. With or without the sardines I will drink a bottle or two of home-made water kefir.
 |
| Bone Broth Stew |
If you're not comfortable without breakfast, have the meat of your choice plus eggs. If you want a meal in the evening, have the meat of your choice and 1 or 2 vegetables. Something like asparagus and maybe 1/3 of a sweet potato or half of a white one with butter.
Talk to you tomorrow!
December 28, 2011
On the Edge of the Precipice
A little dramatic with the title, don't you think? After all, I am a pudgy grandma and not the type you'd imagine standing on the edge of a precipice.
And yet I am. After a life of binge eating and yo-yo dieting, it appears I've finally found the solution in ancestral eating. It took months, but I can now "hear" the signals my body gives when I eat good/bad things.
I've done so well in 2011 that I deliberately chose to splurge for the holidays. In the past, I had to be perfect on any diet because the first time I "fell off the wagon" it was the beginning of a binge that lasted until I regained all my weight back and then continued on to an even higher weight. I need to know if that has really changed. So, on November 15th I officially declared an "open eating" season.
So far, so good, but I'd be lying if I pretended not to be nervous about the upcoming end of open season on January 3rd.
On the good side, I have had a specific treat or two on a given day rather than anything close to a binge and I have comfortably had no treats at all on many days. I made a bad choice when I tested my wheat tolerance with shortbread, but home-made eggnog and 85% chocolate were fine. I even ate ice cream once and nothing terrible happened. Extra fruit on my yogurt has just been extra fruit. On the bad side, though, I have been thinking about food more and have noticed that I'm feeling cravings late in the day sometimes although I easily ignore them.
So here I stand, knowing I can either turn and walk away toward the healthy ancestral eating that resulted in the loss of half my excess body fat OR I can throw myself off the cliff and dive into bags and boxes of processed foods. Obviously, my rational side fully intends to turn and walk away but that other, compulsive and self-destructive side is hovering near the edge.
Why did I put myself at risk? Well, I want it all. I want to have an occasional treat and still reach and maintain a normal weight. I want to know that my inner shadows are under control. I want to be able to relax and celebrate major holidays confident in the knowledge that I can and will return to sensible eating.
January 3rd is coming. We'll see what happens then.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)