Out of the Shadows, Into the Sun

Note: I read and enjoy every single comment. At the moment, though, the blog isn't letting me reply to them. I hope to resolve that soon!

I guess I'm one of those people who have to relapse a few times before my internal conflicts settle into one behavior pattern that works for all of me.

Here's the summary of my recent past. I followed a fairly rigorous regimen (whole foods plus coffee, butter, cream and cheddar) for a full year, with many physical benefits. However, I really did that on willpower and still had the binge eating disorder whispering/screaming about how great it would be to eat wheat again. Each and every day during that year was a personal battle to do what I thought best rather than what I wanted.

Then I slid ever so slowly down that slippery slope of asking myself if I could safely eat limited quantities of wheat--because I desperately wanted to. And wow, what a surprise, I started to binge and gain weight with the added "benefit" of feeling really awful.

After 3 cycles of going onto-off wheat, getting sicker and fatter each time, I very naturally and calmly started buying only whole foods plus coffee, butter, cream and cheddar. In other words, I went back off wheat and there was no willpower or effort involved.

All the other times I went off wheat, I set a date in advance as a deadline to make the change and I then dreaded the approach of that date. This time, there was simply no thought of buying wheat because that stuff is toxic for me. I may be slow but I can learn if you whack me with negative consequences enough times.

I'm now a month in with no subconscious whispering or cravings or wishes.

Without wheat, even though I was eating to satiation each day, I immediately started to lose the weight I gained during my relapses. I'm again morphing from apple to pear shape, with about 2/3 of the regained weight back off. I'll be posting a new mug shot on the blog in the next few days. I've already experienced 2 opportunities to gauge my mental status and I'll describe them.

Event #1: About 2 weeks ago I attended a pot luck dinner. There were lots of great foods that were legal for me and there were lots of foods containing wheat. I very calmly took the non-wheat foods and enjoyed visiting with my friends.

However, this is not a fairy tale. The truth is that I found the event emotionally unsettling. When I returned home, I did in fact have a strong urge to eat even though I was not actually hungry. The good news is that the urges weren't for wheat and I did not eat any wheat. The facts are that I ate some sugared jello with rinsed mandarin orange segments and whipped cream.

So I was naughty, but I did not abuse myself with wheat. The next day I calmly resumed my comfortable routine of whole fruit, low-carb salad and meat. Note: On alternate days, I vary my routine with "veggie roasts" of tubers and other veggies. That day happened to be a day I'd planned to eat meat vs. tubers. So I followed my plan for the day and I continued to feel great and lose weight.

Event #2: A few evenings ago, I attended a large buffet with friends. We began by giving our server our beverage requests and I asked for ... a Coke. Go ahead, scream No!!!, but keep reading. I ate some pieces of chopped fruit, a nice salad with vinegar and their oil (I'm not assuming it was EVOO but it did seem close) and some roast beef, baked salmon and one small wing of fried chicken.

When my friends went to get desserts, I happily sipped my Coke. As they ate their desserts, I happily sipped my Coke. 

This time when I returned home there was no emotional backlash. There must have been a little flour in the fried chicken breading, because I was a little bleary and had mild congestion the next morning, but I just resumed my normal routine and I felt fine by afternoon. I seem to have lost a little more weight in the few days since.

Other than 1 or 2 family visits, I don't expect more social events as my winter friends have headed north to their summer locations. So I have a clear path to continue eating in the way that makes me feel great and allows me to lose weight without dieting.

For fun, I'm calling it easygoing paleo. Hope things are easy for you!

It's Great to be 65!

Family stresses are still there and ongoing. Enough said. No sign of migraine, which is an amazing first, but my brain is just too healthy now to bother with drama I guess.


Well, here I am at 65. It's funny, really, how your perspective changes over the years. In my 30s, I hobbled around like an old person and here I am, an OLD person, and I walk like someone in her 30s. If you've followed my story at all you know the difference is wheat.


I picked up new information last week on the wheat issue. In the last year or two before I started ancestral eating I had noticed slight losses of balance and "clumsiness" as things I was holding dropped out of my hand after a minute or so. I didn't connect that particular problem to wheat even when I realized many other chronic symptoms had disappeared--I had labeled that problem as "aging" and hadn't given it any more thought UNTIL last week, when I was reading about gluten sensitivity and read that "ataxia" can be one of the symptoms. Ataxia is when your brain is affected by gluten and you suffer balance and coordination issues. Hmm.


I then thought hard about my own balance/coordination issues and realized I didn't have any and hadn't had any since about the time I changed my eating patterns. I did have a nasty fall last summer but it started when a stepping stone slid from under my foot, my ankle rolled, and my lower leg bone slammed down on an adjacent stepping stone. Totally wrecked my ankle and bruised (or worse) the leg bone.


Anyhow, the long list of symptoms caused by wheat now includes brain interference that thankfully seems to have healed. 


I made the mistake of letting my friends know the date of my birth. If I had a time machine that would be one of my first adjustments. Just kidding, actually, I had a wonderful morning laughing at the cards they gave me and gabbing for a couple hours in our breezy but temperate morning. I wore my favorite tee, "So far, this is the oldest I've ever been." 


Food-wise, I'm ignoring the birthday thing. I'm having a physical in 2 days so it wouldn't make sense to eat insane food--and I don't really want any anyhow. The afore-mentioned friends were telling me it's time to eat bran muffins vs. cake anyhow, and I of course reminded them I'm off wheat. So they said rice bran would work. :-))


It's a weird birthday because I feel so good and my mood is ebullient, yet I have loved ones in deep stress. I'm reacting differently than in the past. Before, it seemed I joined them within the stressed zone--hence the follow-up migraines--but now I offer support and comfort and laughter from outside the stressed zone. I think that may make me more valuable to them but we're all feeling a difference.


I'll close by saying I'm feeling really good about my health and weight improvements and it would be very cool if I could finish the weight-loss phase and just enjoy maintenance ancestral-style next year. If that happens, I might even make some kind of paleo dessert.

Why Did I Do That?

“It’s the holidays—why can’t I have a piece of shortbread?” That’s how it started. You see, this year I discovered after a month or 2 of ancestral eating that I have trouble with wheat. Long-standing health complaints disappeared and I felt better than I could ever remember.

So, walking around a store last week I saw Walker’s shortbread and thought, “Maybe if I just eat one cookie per day it’ll be fine.”

Day 1 – I ate one cookie and felt fine afterward. Maybe this’ll work! Yay!

Day 2 – Woke up with a stuffy nose. That’s not so bad—I’ll take that if it means I can have a cookie every day. At bedtime, I noticed a little itchiness when I changed clothes for bed. Also a light hacking cough.

Day 3 – Nose a little stuffier. Went for Mexican food and had 2 tacos—the shells were crisp so I assume they were corn. (2 hours later) Itchy! I want to scratch myself bloody! (5 hours later) Woke up in the middle of the night and my hip was killing me. Also noticed a little heartburn.

Day 4 – Nose at the level of a mild cold. Still feel some general itching on my skin. I’m thinking those taco shells were at least partially wheat. My brain is foggy and I'm not thinking very quickly. My thumb is swollen and stiff, so either I hurt it somehow or the hip and thumb reacted to the grain. I now think it’s not  a “GI intolerance” for wheat but an allergic reaction.

So, instead of thinking “one cookie per day will be fine” I’m now thinking, “Why did I do that?”